I Have Questions About the Scaffolding
Charlotte Arzouian ’28
When I got back to school after February break, the scaffolding in the courtyard was gone. The fencing taking up almost half of the courtyard disappeared. But I am suspicious because everything else looks the exact same as before. What changed? Students have supposed the renovations were made to stop the school from falling apart. Here’s what I think is really down there:
My dignity, after I pile onto the M21 and lose my balance because it’s so crowded.
A bunker with some leftover mozzarella sticks and water. This is especially useful if we ever get attacked by NEST.
An actual gym for the three people who play a sport here and to encourage more athletes to come to BHSEC. The administration has been coy about confirming this, likely because acknowledging the gym’s existence would mean acknowledging the athletes’ existence, which is a different story.
A reserve of dihydrogen monoxide. This is a colorless and tasteless substance responsible for thousands of deaths annually even if trace amounts are inhaled. However, the science department has confirmed with 99% certainty that our water fountains also contain dihydrogen monoxide. Why? I don’t know. But the school likely needs to harvest this chemical from deep underground, which explains the need to begin the renovations in the first place.
Working printers. Last week, the library printer stopped working right when I had to print my essay. I felt very betrayed, and when I asked the printer about it later, it cited increased demand in midterms week and informed me that my work didn’t meet internal selection criteria. I have questions about its methodology. I want a new printer.
The BHSEC administration declined to comment on my observations. I hope Dr. Pew will address my concerns in the next newsletter. Meet me after school on Baruch field today if you want to investigate.