Dr. Pew Announces Hunger Games to be Featured as Activity at Next Town Hall

August Hoyt ’28

Bard Principal Dr. Brian Pew announced Tuesday that the April town halls will feature the Hunger Games as their grade-wide activity. The town halls, which have recently featured activities where students compete against each other in order to earn prizes for their advisories, will now boast a “fight to the death between students,” according to Pew. He stated that the games will involve one tribute from each advisory placed in a ring in the auditorium, with a cornucopia of deadly weapons in the middle. The last student remaining will win their advisory a can of Pringles, a prize the principal said is “worth dying for.” When asked the purpose of such a deadly activity, the principal highlighted the community building impacts of the games, stating that following the town hall, the entire grade would partake in a “community discussion” surrounding supporting classmates in stressful situations, such as the games. The principal then asked the Bardvark’s reporters “how would you like me to write this to fit your audience? If you would like a more relaxed tone or a more serious tone, let me know,” a statement which we at the Bardvark were unable to understand. When asked about their feelings surrounding the new town hall activity, many students said they hoped the presence of dead bodies in the auditorium would result in gym class being cancelled, and most agreed that the games were worth it for the prospect of receiving snacks in advisory. The principal says that he enjoys the enthusiasm, and looks forward to the togetherness of the Bard community following the games.