Step by Step Tutorial on How to Survive the Train Ride to School

Elizabeth Smith ’29

Step 1: Board your train strategically

Peacefully board your train and get a decent seat. Try to avoid sitting next to the person sleeping. If you aren't able to get a seat, just know absolutely NO ONE will give up their seat for you.

Step 2: Claim your territory

Place your bag down in a way that lets everyone know you shouldn't be sat next to, but not in a way that says “fear me.”

Step 3: Headphones. 

Put your headphones on in an attempt to drown out the noise of music coming from three different directions. Honestly bonus points if you're able to actually drown out the sound without giving yourself ear damage.

Step 4: Brace for impact

One of three things could happen:

• Your professor sees you copying someone else’s homework 

• The train stops suddenly because of traffic

• A crazy man tries to yell at you

Just hope it’s anything but the first option or else your morning will get ten times worse.

Step: 5: Avoid all eye contact

Look out the window or scroll on your phone like your life depends on it. If worse comes to worse, pretend to sleep.

Step 6: Act like a pro getting off the train

Stand up and walk towards the door. Dodge bumping into anyone and fail. Hope you don’t stare at anyone too long. Once you get off, walk as fast as possible until you see the light.

Step 7: Congratulations!

You are now a pro at surviving the train. Treat yourself to some subway churros and repeat this process for the next 650 days of school left.