Bardian Socialism- a new way to run Bard
Alessandro Pioltelli ’26
Hello fellow Studentariat, today I’m going to introduce you all to a new system that will fundamentally change the way BHSEC is run. Bardian Socialism is a socialist ideological system implemented in a way to fit the nuances and qualities of our fine institution. Academic life will be more efficient, more just, and most importantly of all, more equal, than ever before. Let’s go over each change one by one.
1. All early college classes will now be worth 2 credits; students will have to take two extra courses to fulfill their credit requirement
This change aims to do away with the horribly inconsistent credit value system of each early college course. No more courses that are either three credits or one credit; now all courses will be worth 2 credits each. To rectify the credit imbalance caused by this new system, students will be forced to take two extra courses while they are in the early college program so that the 60 credit requirement can be still reached. Have that science or math course you didn’t get to take? Now you’ll have to, with Bardian Socialism.
2. The position of principal is to be abolished and replaced with the Supreme Bardian Socialist Council Committee, which will meet once a week every Friday. Weekly Town Halls held by SBSCC will replace Dean’s Hours.
The second thing this system aims to solve is the unjust power hierarchy perpetuated by the positions of principal and dean. As a united community of like minded students, now known as the studetariat, we cannot allow ourselves to be oppressed by the Bardgeoisie and forced to attend town halls solely led by them! Under Bardian Socialism, the position of Principal would be entirely removed and replaced with the Supreme Bardian Socialist Council Committee, known as the SBSCC, made up of the 2 Party Chairmen from each grade (more on that later). They would meet once a week each Friday to discuss which protocols to implement and rules to enact, along with mandatory Town Hall meetings, 8th period Wednesday. This would result in the end of Dean’s Hour, but this is something we have to sacrifice for the betterment of our school. Besides, we don’t want Dean’s Hour speakers who fill our studentariat’s heads with counterrevolutionary messaging or anti-Bardian propaganda; there is no room for doubt or suspicion with Bardian Socialism.
3. The replacement of Bardgeoise Deans with Year 2 Student Deans that rotate monthly, selected by the SBSCC. Deans are selected on a voluntary basis.
The positions of Dean(s) aren't going to be abolished, but rather replaced with a new system; rotating student Deans every month, selected from only the finest Year 2 students by the SBSCC. No longer will our student body have to be governed by Bardgeois bureaucrats who finished school long ago in the past, but by present day students who know what it’s like to mess up in the modern age. Only students who voluntarily apply to be selected as dean can be chosen, but be aware that those who don’t are subject to longer grading times for papers, quizzes, and tests and less leniency on late work and arriving late to class. If a student believes a Dean is corrupt or abusing their power, they can submit a formal complaint to the SBSCC, and in 2-4 weeks they will see if their complaint was heeded. In those cases, the student Dean is promptly removed from power and accordingly disciplined. But we trust that our studentariat abides by the rules and doesn’t use their power inappropriately, like a certain U.S. President.
4. Restructured homework and social standards for students of all grades; students will also be required to join the Bardian Socialist Scholastic Party and attend monthly meetings
To ensure the best and most equal environment for our studentariat, the amount of homework for each subject should be 1 hour per night, for all grades. For longer projects, such as essays, this is extended to two hours. Student deans may be able to get their work waived following a request to the SBSCC. We need our studentariat to be as smart and academically capable as possible, in order to spread the tenets and ideals of Bardian Socialism elsewhere. This requires social engagement, which is why the studentariat will now be required to join the new Bardian Socialist Scholastic Party. Meetings will be held the last Friday of each month, or the last Friday before an extended break. Each grade will attend their corresponding Party branch meeting led by their 2 Party Chairmen, one main Chairman and one Vice Chairmen, elected by the rest of their grade via ranked choice voting. Meetings will be held in the auditorium, with every student expected to be there. It's not mandatory, but sustained lack of commitment to the Party and Bardian Socialism could result in disciplinary action.
5. The introduction of an Artificial Intelligence assistant and chatbot, Bardy, to aid students in their possibly increased homework load; CLAW will be abolished to encourage use of Bardy.
Bardian Socialism needs to keep up with the times, not stay rooted in the past, so in line with this, artificial intelligence will be integrated into multiple school platforms in the form of Bardy, an AI assistant and chatbot, who can help students with all questions and queries relating to Bard and its academics. Bardy will be built to follow the ideals and guidelines of Bardian Socialism, so lines of questioning found to be anti-Bardian are strictly prohibited and will be immediately reported to the SSBCC, possibly incurring disciplinary action. Bardy can help students with any increased workload they may have following the Bardian Socialist academic changes, but there shouldn’t be a significant increase if that’s the case. We all know that the studentariat wants more AI in their lives; with Bardian Socialism, it will be fully and rigorously implemented into their academic experience. To ensure that Bardy is as successful and useful as possible, the Center For Learning And Writing (CLAW) and its tutors will be fully abolished. Artificial Intelligence is far smarter and superior to any student tutor anyway.
Bardian Socialism will usher in a new era for us here at BHSEC, empowering the studentariat while stripping it from the Bardgeoisie! Under this new socialist ideology, our fine institution is more streamlined, bureaucratic, and fair for all students. No more sole and independent figureheads leading and governing us! With the SSBCC and our Student Deans, Bard will be fully in the hands of the student body and not adults who haven’t been in school in decades. I think I’ve explained Bardian Socialism enough; all that’s left is to actually implement it into the school. Students of Bard, unite!